And we continue our ongoing discussion on the book by Stanford Law/Education Prof. Ralph Richard Banks "Is Marriage For Black People?"; below, I present an email letter I sent earlier to one Camille Gear Rich, a Black Woman law professor at USC. She participated in a panel discussion on Banks' book a few months back, and the points she raised - I should like to note that she is the only one to make such points in the entire discussion - moved me to write her. Checkout the panel discussion and feel free to offer your comments!

Hello Prof. Rich,

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Obsidian, a Black Male blogger. You can check out my blog, The Obsidian Files, here: obsidianraw.bravejournal.com. 

Your presentation/comments/questions during your appearance on the panel discussion on Stanford Law Prof. Ralph Richard Banks' book, "Is Marriage For Black People?" at the USC School of Law a few months back was, I thought, a rare instance of realworld and, dare I say it, damn-near heretical insight coming from an Ivory Tower ensconced academic, where notions of cultural/environmental pressures are the coin of the realm, and ideas such as Evolutionary Psychology - which is really what your remarks gives a nod to - are verboten. Your broaching the Question of Swag, as I like to call it, really pours a lot of water on Prof. Banks' assertions that he makes in the book. Among other things, the simple truth is, that the "all Brothas in jail" line of thinking obscures the discussion, because as we all know, those guys, even if they weren't in prison, wouldn't be likely to go on to the hallowed halls of academe - at best, they would lead solid, productive, working class lives. The real issue, and again, you hit the nail right on the head, is why haven't the Sistas Banks writes about in his book, given their Black Male middle class counterparts a shot?

The answer is simple: no swag. And this highlights a tremendously important aspect of the discussion that has been for the most part, invisible - the role that sexual attraction must play, in order for anything else to happen, between Male and Female. All of the things Banks discusses in his book - the high achievement, the attainment of education at the graduate level in college, etc et al - are markers no doubt of longtime pairbonding - what EvoPsychs call "Dad" traits to be sure; but he is either ignorant of, or disengenuous about, the role that "Cad" traits play, too - and your examples of Alonzo Harris (the character's name in the film "Training Day", portrayed so well by Denzel Washington that it won him his first Best Actor Oscar), John McClane (played by Bruce Willis in the 80s thriller "Diehard"; yes, White Men can have "swag", although it has been observed that, on balance and in aggreate, Black Men have more of it) and of course, Carlton, the "Oreo" character in the Will Smith sitcom "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" speaks to all of this. The problem isn't that lots of Brothas are in jail; the problem is that far too few middle class Brothas have Game - studied charisma aimed at winning and maintaining the sexual attraction of Women. 

There's more - a lot more - I could say on this note, and I invite you to checkout my blog, as I've taken it upon myself to devote an ongoing series of posts to Banks' book, where I address point for point where and why I think he's wrong as two left shoes - but I just wanted to drop this note on you to let you know that I thought you inserted a powerful point into that discussion that night. 

Too bad it's a bit too off the ivory tower path to be taken seriously. 

And the band, will play on...

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

Since it's the Eve before Thanksgiving, I thought to enjoy a bit of target practice. As per usual, the Little Clever Silly didn't disappoint. In a Nov 21, 2011 post dripping with melodrama, "UPLIFTING THE RACE OR HAVING A FAMILY–WHAT’S A BLACK WOMAN TO DO?", you-know-who goes unto the "Black Men Ain't Sh*t" breach for the umpteenth time, with the following opening salvo:

Stop right there - first, I see Ms. Thang's been reading along (See! Made ya look) and second, I see that The LCS' Hypocrisy is alive and well - it's perfectly OK to fetishize White Men by referring to them as "Rainbeaus", "Swirling" (the act of interracial dating, particularly the BW/WM combo) and my personal favorite, "Playing in the Snow" - nope, no racial epithets to see there, keep it moving along. If the young lass weren't pathetic enough the whole thing would be a heck of a knee-slapper.

But this notion that I, or anyone else who deigns to skewer the sacred cows of the BWE Cult Movement, demands that Black Women "should be attempting to ‘uplift the race’." is patently absurd on its face - for one thing, please note that the LCS hasn't linked ONE direct source or quote from ANY voice in opposition to the daily drivel she spouts at a nonstop clip on her blog. Not. One. That, along with the Kafkaesque "those/them/they" - who are never identified by name, mind you - really tells you all you need to know that Ms. Jamila's screed is yet another in the umpteen strawmen she tosses up to obscure the real reasons as to why her and her Wannabe Swirling Sistas' lives so thoroughly suck. (Keep reading; detailed listing to follow in this regard...)

Let's move on:

Oh yea, all that "good" has been just ruined by "bad public policy" - the same public policy that makes it possible for Black Women to do so very well in the first place. Moreover, I didn't know the true movers and shakers of advancement in Black America was being the Sistahood - shoot, DuBois, MLK, Malcolm, Phillip A. Randolph, Medgar Evers, they were just posers! 

You can't make this stuff up. 

Jamila's diatribe continues for at least another page or two, yada yada yada. Yawn. Since it's clear that she has no clue whatsoever as to why she's in the spot she's in, and since she is just convinced that the Great White Hope will swoop in anyday now, I thought to spread a bit of Holiday Cheer and help a Sista out. Here's the time-honored Wifey Aptitude Test - designed by yours truly of course - and how Ms. Thang scores on it. Before we get started, let me just briefly state that I came up with this idea many years ago after seeing a need to more systematically vet the ladies that came into my life; focusing in on a number of key criteria, such as Looks, Cookery, Financial Acumen, Deportment, overall Mental/Emotional State of Being, and crafting a simple Ten Point Rating System, with a bit trial and error I was able to determine, within an interview or two (yes, I approach the Woman in my life in the same way that I approach my livelihood - and so should YOU) of the Target whether she was or was not, Wifey Material. Let's see how Jamila holds up:

This here is a MAJOR violation - and a telling sign as to why she a Baby Mama to boot (which we'll be covering shortly - stay tuned...). One of the bedrock fundamentals for any Woman looking to be a Wifey is that she MUST be able to know her way around the kitchen. If your guy can outcook you, you're in serious doo-doo, make no mistake about it. One reason, among many, that the Sista Spinsters are, well, Sista Spinsters, is because of this alone. But if it means anything to you, there seems to be quite a few Ms. Anns who can't seem to boil a pot of water right either...

Deduct 1 point 

2. She's broke: "Technically I’m broke.

Oh. My. God. You mean to tell me, that you not even 30 years old, AND you ain't graduated yet, after attending umpteen colleges, and you had to file for BANKRUPTCY - at a uni that no one outside of Illinois has even heard of? Are you kidding me? With a financial track record like that, how do you expect ANY Man, to be able to trust YOU with the household expenses? Messing around with you will leave a Man on the street. 

If a Man is the head of the household, his Woman is the CFO - so in order to be considered for the position, it is vital that a Wise Prince check her financials. She doesn't have to have A1 credit ratings - we all make mistakes - but the above is just downright ridiculous. 

Oh, by the way, I can't prove this, but something tells me that another reason as to why at least some guys, which includes both Whites and Brothas alike, are a bit reluctant to pull the trigger, is due to what you just saw in the above quotes. Nobody wants to take on a serious debt risk - especially when she can't even cook.

Deduct 1 point

3. She got a flat/no booty AND she Lookin' like a Dude: "I know black people are supposed to be able to dance and the women are known for voluptuous behinds, but I missed being handed either of those points of pride. God gave me brains though (O: Uh, NO, please don't put the Lord out there like that), which is better than a big ‘ol booty anyway (O: No, it's not). *sticks out tongue*" (O: Please put that back in your mouth; doing that is the reason why you're where you are in the first place...)

"I had just about all my hair cut off today..." (Obsidian just slowly shakes head)

Jamila, I want you to take a good look at this - now, compare and contrast. Ms. Rose can pull off a Big Chop and get away with it - the vast majority of Sistas, which includes YOU, can't. If you have to ask "why" you've just proven that the least of your problems are some secret cabal of Brothas tryin' to hold you and yours down. 

Another major reason as to why Sistas like you get Pumped and Dumped but not Wife'd Up, is because too many of you look (and act) HARD - you look and often act, LIKE MEN. No Man wants to get with a gal whose fade is sharper than theirs - Amber Rose's of the world notwithstanding, of course. With a self-admitted lack of a future behind you, AND a 1 1/2 cut that you rockin', a guy can't make you out at 20 paces - in short, it's a boner killer. The more Sistas look hard, the more they'll be left...alone. 

I get that you wanted to go Au Natural and in order to do that you had to lop off the Creamy Crack Locks, but you running around with a mini-fro ain't gonna get it. What you need to do, until your crown grows back out, is take to wrapping your head - Geles make a Sista look mighty fine, along with dresses. In fact, doing these two things alone will lift your overall point rating in the eyes of a guy who might be in the market for Wifey, be he White or Black. But keep it the way you got it right now, and I can promise you that you can and WILL continue to get what you've been getting - nothing. 

4. She a Baby Mama: "I had intentions on applying for a Fulbright Scholarship. I considered applying to go to Mongolia, Botswana or Rwanda to teach. The idea of working with children in a developing country excites me. But I have a child to think about, and there are places on this earth that I don’t feel comfortable considering taking my daughter there until the infrastructure and health care system are greatly improved."

This is gonna hurt you much more than me, but somebody's gotta do it: having a kid (or three) can be a dealbreaker for many a guy - especially the Mr. Charlie types you drool over. Forget what you heard, there are real reasons why many guys break camp at the mere mention of you having a kid in tow - but not for the reasons you might. Be quiet, listen and learn.

Being a Baby Mama basically means, that you wasn't able to get a Man to put a ring on it - that he didn't see you as valuable enough. Just to have fun with. To be brutally frank, given what we know about you thus far, it's hard to see how any guy would make such a monumental move. 

This is going to sound seriously counterintuitive, but you would have better chances to land Mr. Right if you had actually been married - why? Because of what I just noted above - because you would have proven that you worth putting a ring on it. The sad, brutal fact of the matter is, that Baby Mamas are thee hardest commodities to move on the LTR-to-Marriage Market, because merely being one is a proxy for you having low Wifey Value - which, by all accounts and your own hand, I might add, is you in  the proverbial spades. 

It is, what it is. Sorry kid.

Deduct 1 point

Already at this juncture, we can see that Jamila's down four points, and we haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet(!). By the way, in my point-rating system, if a candidate goes at or below a "5" on the scale, she's basically toast - I mean, think about it - how many winning teams have done it with an at or barely .500 record?

I could go on, such as Deportment and Emotional/Mental State, but I don't want to embarrass you anymore than I already have - seriously though sis, let me just ask you something:

*For those reading along at home, you might have noticed the conspicuous absence of the word "Sex" throughout this post. That is not by accident - Men don't select for Wifey based on what goes down in the bedroom (or elsewhere). Women think we do, but we know better - which explains yet again, why so many Sistas are alone. You see, far too many of them think that if they're "sexy", they can just put it on a guy and viola!-relationship. NOT. In fact, if you're not careful, you'll mess around and slot yourself into Jumpoff Territory, which is the feminine equivalent of the Friend Zone. Not even the skankiest of Ho's - and I'm not saying Jamila is one so please don't misquote me - wants to be pumped and dumped. 

Jamila, if you have one scintilla of commonsense and reason within you, you would be wise to heed these words, because I know you read what I write. What I am telling you every Man you know and don't know will corroborate, and most likely would go double for Mr. Charlie. If you're really serious about getting Wife'd Up, you would be about doing all you can to actually up your game, heh heh. Writing longwinded tracts about how Brothas are keeping Wannabe Swirling Sistas Down will NOT help you fix your problems. As per usual, those things that are most within a Sista's control to make a difference in and about, she eschews, in favor of talking loud and saying absolutely nothing. 

My job is done here. Have a Happy (Swanson's Dinner) Turkey Day!

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

Everyone's favorite Manosphere Troll, the Woman with a Thousand IP Addresses, Bag Lady, has actually made a big step forward over the past 24 hours or so - she done went and posted some halfway thoughtful and decent comments - not just here, but over at my buddy Chuckie's blog, too! Just when you think you've got somebody all figured out, they up and do something to truly surprise the heck outta ya. 

So, since I promised the old gal that I would respond to that which she's presented, without further rigamorole, here we go...

BAG LADY: Posted by Black Male Pheromones Stronger, Creates Edge in Game:

http://www.pheromonetalk.com/mens-pheromone-advice-tricks-tips/once-you-go-black-you-only-54725.html

OBSIDIAN: You know, haven't given the matter a lot of thought, but I think you might be onto something; after all, it is common for hunters to use such things when tracking/stalking their prey (and I've been hunting quite a bit in my life, love it), so...yea, I can see how such a thing could up a Man's Game. Is it possible that Black Men in particular could have stronger pheromones? *shrugs*

BL: Is this game? One of the biggest PUA gurus in the industry recently married an unattractive Desi woman

David DeAngelo (Eben Pagan) and Annie Lalla

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs018.snc4/34280_10150244087675417_843210416_14722616_5366501_n.jpg

O: Sure - Game isn't just limited to the niteclub scene, BL. Game is applicable to getting and staying in a marriage as well - see Athol Kay or The Hawaiian for more on all this. 

As for D'Angelo himself, I don't know that much about him to tell you the truth; most of my formal Game training and understanding comes from the Mystery School, so to speak - though from the relatively little I do know about D'Angelo, I don't have much of a problem with what he teaches. His "Cocky Funny" model is definitely something that works; I've done it quite a bit myself, and have seen it work to great effect elsewhere. 

Finally, as for his "unattractive Desi woman", I'll say this, and I speak for myself and only for myself here: it is my view that Game is one of many bodies of knowledge that empowers Men to create and take advantage of the many paths and options of Life. While there are some who cotton to notions of a "universal standard" of feminine beauty and so forth, I am of the view that it is up to each individual Man to decide for himself what he finds beautiful in a Woman, or group of Women, and to tailor his Game in order to acquire said Women. To that end, I see it as my job to assist the Men who come to me to get that which he wants - it is not my place to pass judgment one way or another as to the Target(s) of his desires. After all, I don't have to deal or otherwise live with these Women - he does. 

What's interesting to me Bag Lady, is that you pursue this line of reasoning here, but over at Chuck's blog, you say the following:

O: I say/ask/reflect back the very same thing to you with regard to Mr. D'Angelo and Wife: why can't you just let a happy Game Master be happy with his Bride? Why the snark towards these people in love, Bag Lady? What's the difference between them, and the couple in NYC? What, because D'Angelo is a Game teacher, that makes his love "less than" in your eyes? What's eating you with regard to Game, Bag Lady? Out with it already. 

BL: Videos of wedding and honeymoon available on youtube.

O: Yes, I saw it. Actually, I thought it was quite nice.

BL: Both Chuck and Roissy monitor and delete my comments about Black men and David De Angelo (Eben Pagan), especially all the ones about him. They don't want the word getting out and discouraging guys. 

O: Actually, they don't want you derailing their discussion threads about your incessant need to discuss all things Indian, regardless as to whether it is appropriate to do so, etc et al. 

BL: They also feel like fools realizing that they spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars buying Eben's "products" (DVDs). Well guys here it is:

O: While I can't speak for either guy, I can say without fear of contradiction that I've spent less than $100 to get up and running insofar as Game understanding, study and training was concerned. I've pissed away a heck of a lot more without even knowing where it went. It was money very well spent. 

BL: The singlemost financially successful PUA guru in the history of game has simultaneously come out as bi-sexual AND married a physically unattractive bi-sexual Desi woman who happens to look like him!

http://static.weddingwire.com/static/wedding/1175001_1180000/1175719/thumbnails/400x400_1310271315469-kiss.jpg 

O: I don't think "Annie" looks like Dave D much at all, and they stood side by side during the wedding ceremony. Moreover, if indeed DD is bi, so what? The only person who needs to be concerned with any of that is his new wife, not any of us. It doesn't diminish in any way what he's presented to the world in terms of Game. Again, I've applied "Cocky Funny" quite a bit, and I can assure you that I am not gay or bi.

BL: Eben's "coming out party in NYC" photo is the 7th one down on the first row here;

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding/UserViewWebsiteToolPhotoAlbum?wid=c84f40cf75a2e7ce&pid=1e09b7a5e3a77904

O: Yes - nice!

BL: The couple will have an open, polyamorous marriage;

http://saltydroid.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Eben-Pagan-Self-Made-Wealth-Nipples.jpg

O: *shrugs* It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg...

BL: As espoused in their "co-created positive wedding affirmations" in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iixfj7XmOzE

O: I have no problems in the least with how they went about their "affirmation vows"; if they're cool with it, so am I. Why can't you?

BL: Black men have stronger pheromones and that's what once you go black you can't go back

"Another dead giveaway for Desi: a completely new commenter appears and leaves a ton of comments over the past three or so posts."

I'm home and resting only every other week. That's all I can do between out of town work.

O: I think that goes under TMI...

BL: The bended knee proposal thing - I was married between the ages of 20-22. We were young and he wanted to "do the right thing by our culture", I didn't care, so we officially married, to please his mother. And we officially divorced 2 years later to please ourselves. I'm sure mother in law was pleased too so that now she could arrange her son's marriage to a woman who would bear him children. FAIL. Her son never wanted kids. Now we are both best friends and plan our foreign trips to stopover in each other's cities. We plan on living together again when we retire, but neither of us ever wants to get married again - ever.

Why bother when you can just live together and get the same benefits? Marriage is passe. 

O: Again, if it works for you, it works for me; if you're cool with it, so am I. Knock yourself out with my blessing - after all, if Liz and Richard could get back together after going splitsville, anybody can - right?

BL: I see Roissy is back to convincing men that women don't really care about their looks. 

He writes, "A woman’s beauty is a powerfully visceral stimulant of men’s desire, and tends to remain so until their beauty begins the fade in earnest by the early-mid 30s. Men’s looks, in contrast, provide a more muted stimulation of women’s desire — less visceral and more aesthetic compared to the hungering stimulation female beauty causes men to feel"

Uh, depends on the man. There are men that inspire the slow burning type of flowery romantic feelings in men that he's talking about, my ex-hubby was one of those, and then there are men who, by their appearance alone, inspire feral lust in our hearts. 

The appearance-lust types seem to have stronger pheromones. 

You can read more about that here;

http://www.pheromonetalk.com/mens-pherom

O: Sure, I don't doubt what you're saying, and actually, you're a lot more in alignment with what Roissy/Heartiste/Chateau is saying than you may realize: MOST Men will NOT have the kinds of looks/chemistry (and this includes Black Men, btw) that will make your panties moist, Bag Lady. That's simply because Evolution does select for such "leading man looks" Men in the same way it does for "gorgeous women" - Women, as a group now, simply don't respond to the same visual cues in the same ways that Men do. So, even if YOU are not like that, the fact remains that there are millions and millions of Women - both here in the West and yes, back home in your native India - who ARE indeed the way Roissy says. No Game teaching I am aware of says that a Man's appearance has no bearing on things - it absolutely does. Otherwise, Style would never have to go through the physical transformation he did. What Roissy and others, including myself, ARE saying, is that Women aren't as visually driven as Men, again, in aggregate. YOU, may be different in that regard, and hey, good for YOU. But the fact remains that this isn't the case for the vast majority of Women. Capice?

Any questions?

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

Yesterday evening I was checking my Twitter feed, when suddenly...

GLPiggy Gucci Little Piggy: i laugh when i remember the black kid in my 9th grade geography class who was shocked that there was a country named "Niger". silly niger.

@GLPiggy: still doing the archie bunker routine i see. Does it ever get old for you?

@ObsidianFiles: i can't help that the kid was ignorant about spelling and geography.

@GLPiggy: which means that u hav to call him a "silly niger"? does his being ignorant of something that the vast majority of americans...

@GLPiggy: ...r ignorant abt regardless of color, then give u license 2 call him a "silly niger" - emphasis on the latter word? come on.

@GLPiggy: btw, while ur on the rite track wrt marcotte/evo psych, ur wrong abt fems relation 2 it. more on my blog...

@ObsidianFiles: out of all the kids who are ignorant about how to pronounce "Niger" it's amazing and funny that a black kid said it.

@GLPiggy: which again gives u license 2 call him a "niger" - see how that works? now u see why i call u a 21st century archie bunker.

@ObsidianFiles: it's a joke and a play on words that i find funny. sorry it offends you. i'd suggest you get a sense of humor.

@GLPiggy: actually im not offended. nice try though. just marvelling at ur ability 2 routinely debase urself...

 

@GLPiggy: btw: hav u finally gottn around 2 reading "searching 4 whitopia" yet, & if not, why?

@GLPiggy: so u were saying abt ur reading of the book searching 4 whitopia...?

@ObsidianFiles: i haven't read it. probably won't. sounds boring.

@GLPiggy: why am i not surprised? yet u constantly whine abt being surrounded by darkies. 1 would think such a tome would b rite up ur alley

@GLPiggy: never let it b said that i dnt giv 2 the needy: t.co/sMqPKdmg

(At that point, it seems Chuckie's widdle heart just wasn't in it anymo'.)

Yes folks, a Brotha's job of civilizing incorrigible White folks is never done...

Follow The Obsidian on Twitter

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

In my previous post on the topic, longtime commenter and O-Man Dragnet, who is the subject of the post, asked who I was referring to when I said that since Brothas like him - good looking, highly educated and White Collar employed, were talked about but rarely talked to - so I decided to pen another post zeroing in on that oh-so-elusive Educated Brotha; for purposes of this discussion, I decided to use Dragnet as our representative. I hope he doesn't mind. 

My initial reason for using Dragnet, was because of the woefully wrong premise(s) Banks raises in his book - he says that Brothas like Dragnet are not only in low supply, but when found aren't particularly interested in marrying their Sista counterparts, mainly because of the perverse sex ratios that obtain between the two groups. He makes these claims, yet by his own admission he doesn't spend a heck of a lot of time interviewing Brothas in general, and Brothas like Dragnet in particular; per Banks' comments during live interviews and by his own hand via his book, what Brothas have to say simply isn't as "rich" as that which Sistas report. 

Personally, I say Bollocks on all that.

I think there are other reasons as to why Banks simply didn't have too much fire in the belly to really do something groundbreaking in the umpteen parsecs-wide literature on "Black Relationships" - and that has to do with the fact that he, like others we know, have a dog in the fight. That's right, the good professor has two sisters who are Sista Spinsters, and he's determined to find out why they are, where they are. 

So, whenever I feel myself really feeling some kind of way about something, it is a sign that I need to get off my behind and DO SOMETHING. And, I've decided to do just that - I have reached out to a few other Brothas who are in one way or another in the Afrosphere, to assist me in interviewing those Brothas Prof. Banks just didn't think were "rich" enough to be heard; we WILL have their voices heard, and get to the bottom of exactly why Sistas like his sisters wind up...alone. 

So, the focus here on Dragnet is the beginning, the starting point - and as we continue this series, I would like it very much for all the other Brothas reading along, to please, Step Up and Speak Up. I need your help; lift up your voices and come on with it. If you truly agree with what the good professor has said, then say so; if, on the other hand, you think what the professor has said is a bunch of bunk, you need to step up front and lay out in no uncertain terms why. 

By all means email me your thoughts, comments, observations, anecdotes, etc, et al, at theobsidianfiles@hotmail.com; I'll post them up to the O-Files and take things from there. Please pass the word along to other Brothas you know; let them know that there is a blog devoted to getting their voices out there on topics like these, and tell them to step up/speak up as well. Banks has said that he wants to spark a real conversation surrounding issues of relationships and marriage in Black America, particularly among its Buppie contingent; this is our chance to give him exactly that. 

Back to Dragnet...

There are so many things I want to say here, but you know what? I think it's better for Dragnet himself to run it. So, Dragnet, by all means, use the comments to give your take on all that Banks has said. Let's start with a few easy ones:

1. Banks makes the contention that Brothas like you date and marry out (White Women in particular and in the main) at much higher rates than do Sistas, but he doesn't mention why (no doubt, said reasons weren't "rich" enough); so I thought to ask you, since you've been known to date a flaxen-haired lass or two (and probably know at least a few other Brothas who've done same); what's up with that? Why DO Brothas such as yourself, tending to date and/or marry out in the numbers you do? 

2. Banks argues that, if it were not for so many Brothas locked up, dead or on drugs, there would be more Brothas like you to go around for needy and deserving Sista Spinsters. What do you make of that premise - do you think its spot on, or all wet?

3. Why do YOU think so many Sistas of the cohort Banks is focusing in on are...alone? Do you agree with him that it's due to the things Banks has laidout in his book, or do you think other factors are at play - and if the latter, what are they, and why? 

If you don't mind, I'd like to revisit a comment you made in the previous post, because it was quite a provocative comment and deserves a bit of response on my part:

The bolded part is something that I'd really like to zero-in on here; while I see exactly what you mean, I think you might have gone a bit purple here. Let me see if I can backtrack a bit and "translate" a bit what you meant:

Many Sistas, when in college, tend NOT to find the more nerdy, less fashionable, un-"swagged" Brothas to be suitable mates, and instead tend to favor Brothas who display traits that we in the PUA/Game/Manosphere refer to as "Alpha" - guys who play sports (particularly basketball and football), guys who pledge in frats (particularly Q-Dogs), guys who are either really good looking and/or have a finely attuned fashion sense (and hence tend not to be on the "living in your head" track that a lot of the STEM majors tend to be about), to say nothing of being more outgoing, more risk taking, etc et al. These Sistas aren't going after "thugs and rappers"; they're going after the kinds of Brothas who are more likely to display the Dark Triad traits, and forego the more sedate, introverted, and yeah, nerdy Brothas (of which there is a not insignificant number - something else I intend to discuss at length, very soon - stay tuned!). I think this is what you really meant, Dragnet, and I think that if most Sistas were to be brutally honest about this, they would get this point. I think it's an area rich for real discussion. 

What do you think?

Finally...

I would very much like to get your response to this series of statements by Ms. Jhane Sez; is this anything you or the highly educated Brothas you know recognize?

Dragnet, have you or any other Brotha you know - we're talking Brothas like yourself now - made it a prerequisite that any Sista looking to get with him had to first graduate from a top-tier uni Magna Cum Laude and then have a great career? I'm just very curious in light of Jhane's (and her partner in crime Malia's) comments...

Again, there's so much more that I could say, but I really want to hand it over to you. Hopefully, this conversation will be the spark that will get Brothas talking for real out in the light of day! Thanks for allowing me to use you as a guinea pig here. Much appreciated!

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

The comments above were made by my erstwhile interlocutor Deery, and at first glance, they seem rather sensible, right? However, a closer look gives one pause. 

Let's now deconstruct what Ms. Deery has said and respond in point for point fashion now, shall we?

DEERY: I don't think interracial dating is some "Great White Hope",

OBSIDIAN: Well, you may not, but quite a few fellow travelers of yours, do - and I don't even have a problem with that. I just think it's the height of intellectual dishonesty and disengenuous thought to so blatantly deny the facts along these lines - simply put, White (and for that matter, other non-Black) guys, in the main, aren't checking for Sistas. Why THAT creates such a stir and angst and agita, is fascinating to me.

At any rate, what Dragnet recently said along these lines, is worthy of reposting here: "However, I think that if said black women think that dating out is going to solve their problems, they're sadly mistaken. Men are now only 40 percent of college graduates and the numbers are projected to fall even lower. Fewer men of any race are going to college, meaning that black women will be competing with white women (and every other race of women) for the same shrinking pool of men. Black women should date out if they want to but in light of these stats they may want to put the cork back in the champagne bottle for now.

Would love to read your reaction to Dragnet, Deery...

D: i just think it should be treated as an option, much like all the other dating options out there.

O: For so many Sistas, it isn't an option - just like for most Men, regardless of color, getting with a Dime simply isn't an option. And life goes on.

D: And not just white guys, but Hispanics, Asians, Indians, whomever. Men are men, and my feeling is, find one that you like, and are compatible with, and keep on stepping.

O: You are more than free to feel anyway you like. But the fact remains, that when it comes to LTRs, Men determine this, and the data on this score is clear, they check for Sistas last and least. 

D: I see no reason to close off avenues that have not been explored.

O: They have been explored, with the result being, that Black Women continue to be responded to least and last. See here for more on this point...

D: Why all the fuss with black women using their options?

O: Because it seems that those who bang the drum for it can't seem to do so without running Brothas in the ground. That's why. Why can't they simply just do it, like Brothas, and Asian Women, etc et al, do? You don't see all these articles and blogs and the like by these folk, do you? If they want to date/marry out, they simply get er done. Why can't the Swirling Sistahood do the same? Why must they kick dirt on the whole of Brothahood to do it (and they're doing a piss poor job of it if the data is anything to go by; compare and contrast this to their Asian American sisters...wow...)

D: I think black men can be fine partners (I am married to one after all), but other men can be too.

O: The latter was never in dispute; as to the former, by the totality of your comments, one would get the distinct impression that you think Black Men overall do NOT make "fine partners". 

D: If it isn't your thing, then no big whoop, try something else. I personally don't see all the angst and drama behind it. 

O: Here, let me help you; repeating from above:

Because it seems that those who bang the drum for it can't seem to do so without running Brothas in the ground. That's why. Why can't they simply just do it, like Brothas, and Asian Women, etc et al, do? You don't see all these articles and blogs and the like by these folk, do you? If they want to date/marry out, they simply get er done. Why can't the Swirling Sistahood do the same? Why must they kick dirt on the whole of Brothahood to do it (and they're doing a piss poor job of it if the data is anything to go by; compare and contrast this to their Asian American sisters...wow...)

D: There simply aren't enough black men period to go around. Too many lost to death, detainment, drugs, and dumbassery.

O: Wrong on all counts. First of all, we have to note the FACT that there are now more Brothas on the college campus than in the joint (though that doesn't account for the fact that quite a few Brothas don't get anywhere near the bang for the educational buck they go into hock for - more on this soon...), and as Steven Pinker has shown all of us, violent crime of all kinds has and continues to go DOWN - which means, along with fewer homicides, assualts and the like, FEWER ARRESTS. 

As for the "dumbassery" remark, I would be very interested in learning what exactly do you mean when you say that, since I think its fair to say that it isn't something that can be measured and presented on a spreadsheet. Please explain?

D: Even if we exclude educational criteria, there simply aren't enough.

O: Yes, there are. More here: New Research Shatters Myths and Provides New Hope for Black Love and Marriage

Happy reading!

D: So a black woman has few options.

O: That all depends on where she falls on the attractiveness scale; the more attractiveness she has, the better her chances, all things being equal. There, fixed that for ya.

D: She can resign herself to being alone (which some do),

O: This usually happens as a result of the Sista in question overestimating her SMV...

D: she can share (which some do),

O: Ahhh, the Power of Preselection, strikes again...

D:  she become a lesbian (which some do),

O: Usually reserved for the Morlocks of the Sistahood; yes, go on...

D: and she can look outside the black community(which puzzling enough few did, but increasingly more are).

O: With less than dazzling results. Uh-huh.

D: The math makes it so that black women have to avail themselves of one (or more) of these options. I don't see why the interracial option is so horrible.

O: It isn't, SO LONG AS THE SISTAS DOING IT AREN'T RUNNING BROTHAS INTO THE GROUND. The reason(s) why these Sistas aren't successful don't have anything to do with the race of Man she's with; indeed, as you noted above, some of these Sistas choose the Lesbian Way, and soon discover that they have the same problems they did when they were riding the Good Wood. That should tell them something: that their problems aren't external, but internal. Of course, it makes sense as to why they continue to live in denial. The truth that the problem lies within themselves, would utterly crush them.

Anyway, just wanted to get caught up on some of the comments you've made over the past few posts. If so inclined, holla back.

Any questions?

Now I have a question for you, Deery:

Given the fact that you have a Black hubbie, why do you care so much about the whole "swirling" issue? After all, you don't have a dog in the fight; you've lucked out, to let you tell it; so, what gives? Why, on just about every discussion that occurs here along these lines, do you appear and appear so vociferously? What's up with that?

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian